The problem was, that involved me breaking my word to you, as well as to Jennifer, Bethany, and Kara. In the end, my subconscious rationalized that violation of trust as being less painful than simply telling you I couldn’t go through with it.“I’m sure you remember how scared I was back when I first found out from Melanie and Jennifer what you wanted. Well, that fear apparently never went away. I simply pushed it down into my subconscious where it stayed, waiting for a way to get me out of a situation I had willingly put myself in but couldn’t really handle. When Becky showed up at the conference and made herself available, I jumped at the chance. And then I came home and told you, right away. I told Bethany, Jennifer and Kara.”I paused for a moment to take a few breaths. Stephanie squeezed my hand again.“The thing was,” I sighed, “rather than solving my problem, it made it worse. If I had simply told you I wasn’t going to do it because I was afraid of how it would affect us, it. I pulled her closer to me and planted a kiss on her forehead. She returned my embrace and beamed up at me. Then the smile faded into a look of unease. I could tell she was trying to work her way around to telling me why she asked about my history with women. “I asked because I figured … well … we know each other really well … and we love each other a lot … and … we are both virgins … and alone … and well…” Her face flushed and she turned away from me, embarrassed. I looked at my little sister, my mind jumbled, my head fighting for the blood my brain needed to make decisions. I squeezed her closer and brought my left hand around to her chin. I forced her face to turn back to mine, and saw tears of embarrassment shining in her eyes. I planted a kiss full on her lips, the first time I had kissed a girl. After the longest thirty seconds of my life, we broke apart and caught our breath. We looked into each other’s eyes, and I asked her,“Are you sure you want to do this?”“Absolutely. Do.
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